how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
