I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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