umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
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you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
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Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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