thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
