I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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