it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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