Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
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