Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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