Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
