Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You pole danced in your parka.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
