I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
