Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
