i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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