I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
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My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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