I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
