OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
