so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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