I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
