I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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