i need an iv and a liver transplant
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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