I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
