So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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