You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
