Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
