when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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