after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
