matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
