The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
