No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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