I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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