i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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