What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
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So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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