speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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