Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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