Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
whose ass print is on the piano?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
