How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
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I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
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Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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