i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
