apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
