You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
