i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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