my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize