Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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