i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
