so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
