I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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