I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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