I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
