how can u be prego again
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
