I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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