So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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