Can i not drive my cunt home
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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