i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
