I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
