I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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