allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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