i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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