Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
