I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
