My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize