Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
