i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize