you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
