I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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