he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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