if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
