After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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