walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
