he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
