The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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