I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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