I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize