sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
