That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize