So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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