forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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