First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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