**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We got so high we made milksteak
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
