im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize