Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
