i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
