If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
