I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't deserve a penis
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
