my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
