Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
