The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
