Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
