note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
