i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
