I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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