My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
