why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
