wakey wakey hands off snakey
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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