I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
