There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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